The image above was taken at the bathroom of a Phinchos restauarant, in Linnégatan, Gothenburg.
Identity
- Ethnically & Cultarully Swedish
- 37 year
- Married
- No kids
- 2 German Shepherds
- Secular / Atheist (But I like to do remixes, taking all the good parts from every religion to enrich my existential & spiritual life)
Behavour
- Existiential
- Spiritual
- Philosophical
- Analytical
- Creative
Activity & Hobbies
- Hiking
- Greco-Roman style Wrestling
- Grappling
- Boxing
- MMA
- Rugby
- Networking
- Traveling
Upbringing & Family
I was brought up in a lower working class area in Gothenburg, Sweden. There is much to be said about this so I think I will save that for a another blog post when I feel ready to share it.
Both my parents were together during my childhood and still is.
My mom comes from a very creative background. She grew up dancing, creating music and painting. She also worked with kids at a daycare/preschool.
My dad worked as a mechanic. He worked a lot because he was the bread winner in the family.
So as a result of all of the above, I was put into a very creative & pedagogical space right from the start, with my mom as my creative mentor. I also have a little brother that is 4 years younger than me.
The dream career choice as a kid; Becoming a designer
Growing up, from a early age, I fell in love with video games, graphical design, & 3D animation within the digital hemisphere.
I got access to computers from a very early age. An Amiga 500+ with extra RAM memory and a extra floppy disk. The computer became like a magicians toy box were creative mistakes could just be undone as easy as clicking a button.
I think this was when I really decided that I want to work with creating applications, movies & games in a digital format. And I wanted to do it as a designer, because in my mind at that time, thought, were the coolest people on the planet. And I wanted to be one of those cool cats.
Bullying, Violence & Fighting
I was quite a proud kid growing up.
Me being proud got me into a lot of trouble, because I couldn’t stand injustices to be served towards me or others, and being small, that made me into an easy target for bullying.
So other kids liked teasing & bullying me. Kid = Being Proud + (Sized = Small) + Bullying = Schoolyard Fighting. I think I will circle back to this topic several times during this blogs lifespan. Because it har affected me and even scared me, both physically & mentally.
What I loved as a kid
- Basketball
- Greco-Roman Style Wrestling
- Photoshop
- Programming
- Playing video games
- LAN-parties
Looking back at my proffesional career by result
- IT Network Assistant, Sahlgrenska Universitet Hospital
- Transport Worker, Sahlgrenska Universitet Hospital
- Cable Monkey aka Camera Assistant, Swedish (State) Television
- Webdesigner, Yrkesregistret
- Kiosk Sales Person, Most jails in Western Sweden
- Security Officer aka Bouncer, Park Lane, Hard Rock Café, Casino Cosmopol
- Art Director, Freelance
- Creative Director, Freelance
- Marketing Director, Syncrasy Big Data Platform
Except from work, what’ve I done in my life?
I’ve lived in two long romantic relationships with two different women.
The last women I happily married and we’re still together. She surpasses the cartoon character Wonderwomen by far on any metric. She is funny, smart, strong, gorgeous, reflecting, supportive… Man, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve her company. But she makes me wanna be a better man and I will try to live by that emotion and make it to my creed.
I’ve traveled a lot. I’ve traveled thru all of Europe. I’ve driven a car from San Franscisco to New York by my self. I’ve lived in the poor and rural areas in the Phillipines. I’ve lived in Dubai for app. 3 years. I am currently living in Cyprus since 4 years back.
I’ve been blessed and cursed to have an entreprenarial spritit. As a result of that I’ve started several companies. Non of them have been a real success measured from a financial perspective. Measured from a learning and personal growth perspective, they have been VERY rich.
Today
- I’m dealing with a really rough depression that has been ongoing for app. 10-12 years back. But for the last 2-3 years, I’ve been loosing the battles.
- I’ve been a black cloud of sadness, anger & hatred. The target of all of this has been everybody, including myself. I’ve been able to contain the outburst to myself, until perhaps 3 years ago. Than the world started to hear and see my wraith.
- As of a result, I’ve been unemployed these 2 years.
- I’ve become quite obese.
- I’ve self isolated myselft to the point were I’ve been alone with more or less no contact from family, friends or co-workers. Only interaction I had was with my wife & my dogs.
Plans for the future?
- I am going to do a redemption tour from the last couple of years.
- I am going to aquire more meaningful relationships in my life.
- I am going to succeed financially with my business endevours.
- I am going to aquire more joy and happiness, like I did when I was young.
- I am going to become a vital provider to my social sourrandings of joy, happiness, creaing purpose and meaning so when the existiential darkness hits mine or their human vehicle. That stress and anxiety isn’t the to only harbours that have a place to park their boat in. My cozy living room, my guest room could also be mine and theirs salvation spots.
I don’t know how to achieve any of the bullet points above as of right now.
That feeling of not knowing how to achieve any of it sometimes gives me deep anxiety.
But I do know that my life continuation is depending that I move in the direction outlined in the bullet points above. Because I’ve been on the other spectrum of that gradient… And it only leads to darkness, in both feelings and thoughts.
